Blissfully Blessed

Life is mundane... and expensive!

2012-01-26T23:59:00.009+08:00

Last gadget of 2011

First gadget of 2012

Oh my God! I really shouldn't have!!

My spending habits = ridiculous!

Bills bills bills - they'll make me scream or speak gibberish. Aaaaaaaaa.....

On another note, I think my life is at a standstill. I have come to a point where I am not motivated to work or do anything my life. I feel like my life has no meaning and I am in a downward spiral.

My life used to have dreams, aspirations, desires -- the thirst for knowledge, of learning something new like taking up guitar lessons or learn French. Now, I go to work, then back from work, then watch TV series, then sleep. On weekends, I either work, or watch movies or TV series or see my nephews and nieces. Life is seriously mundane. I need to find a hobby.

List of things to do to NOT have a mundane life;

1 - Find a hobby (other than watching TV series or movies)

2 - Read a book every week

3 - Find NGOs to volunteer my time and sweat (suggestions anyone??)

4 - Make new friends (how??)

5 - Find a boyfriend (this is a laughable matter. I never had luck in this department. Haha)

6 - Last but not least.... Find an 8-5 job that allows me to do all of the above.

hmm....

Yes I am looking... for a man and a job. Haha.

*blushing*

Ok bye.

Ramblings during Ramadhan...

2011-08-25T06:11:00.004+08:00

Salam,

Ramadhan is nearing to its end for this year, yet I did not feel the excitement of the festive season. Maybe it was due to the fact that I did not fast half of this Ramadhan, blame it on being a woman. haha! Do not get offended oh women out there, I'm merely saying this out of frustration (trust me, I'm such a feminist and I believe in 'girrrrl POWER'. Haha!!)

So yesterday, I was on leave for the sole purpose of servicing my car (my car's air-cond sounds weird) and instead of waiting at the service center, I took a taxi, went to a Jaya Jusco nearby and watched Spy Kids 4: All the time in the world, and jalan-jalan. After around 3 hours, I took a taxi back and this taxi driver - oh let me tell you, he's this temperamental and moody pakcik who never smile. I wanted to go to the service center and he said "8 ringgit". And I told him, "tak guna meter ke pakcik?" then he started saying "Alah, kalau guna meter, RM7.50, pakcik ambil 50 sen je", then I told him that I wanted to use the meter. Whaddaya know, the actual meter actually charge me RM8.20. Haha! I know it's Ramadhan and you're fasting, but that doesn't give you the right to be all moody. Orang lain pun puasa...

Moving on to a different topic - I wish I'm not such a chicken. I think I'm too good pretending to be OBLIVIOUS that everyone misconstrue what I actually feel.

Oh, Jumaiiyah has left me everyone! She has resigned from the firm I'm currently working in and has left me to fend for myself!!! Sedihnyer!! Peak period is from Jan to March. Am I up for it? To tell you the truth, I am just sick of doing the same client the whole year round. I need a change! Oh well, I might be applying to another audit firm just so that I am assigned to OTHER companies. Haha!

I ~~need~~ want a trip. And I need to spend less. I ~~need~~ want a lot of things I don't need.

Such is life, eh?

If you have all of the MONEY in the world, what would you do?

If you have all of the TIME in the world, what would you do?

I'd give them all back I guess...

Til next time, daa..

2011-07-27T14:15:00.003+08:00

I am feeling anxious...

Just received a call...

Am I ready to do this??

I don't feel I am...

Will I miss the firm?

Have I gotten everything I want from the firm??

Oh God, please show me the light and the way to the path most suitable for me. Ameen...

2011-07-21T15:01:00.002+08:00

It's been a while....

I find it hard to search for words. I find it hard to express what I'm feeling.

I just realized something today. I did not capture the past 3 and a half years in films or pictures so much. I did not have a single photo of the MMC audit team, or any events going on in the firm I'm working in. When someone actually calls me anti-social, I have to admit, as much as the word 'anti-social' saddens me, it is the truth. I need to go out more. Working 24/7 is really not the way to go. I need to make a change.

....

About jerks and a motocyclist...

2011-01-20T16:50:00.002+08:00

What a day...

As usual, I would sleep late at night and wake up very late.

What's different about today was the fact that I witnessed an accident.

I was on my way to Jusco Cheras Selatan to watch a movie (which I later changed my mind), and there was a heavily modified proton car on the road. You know what they say about people driving a heavily-modified-trying-too-hard-to-replicate-a-sporty-car, they drive recklessly and trying soo hard to show they got balls. So what happened was, I was right behind his car and saw that there was a motorcyclist signalling to go to the right to make a u-turn, and the thing was, he didn't see, and ran him over!!! I saw the motorcyclist flying from his motorcycle and went face-down on the road. He was unconcious straight away. At that moment, I thank God that I was able to stop my car and not ramming into the stupid Proton car, and that I was safe.

I stopped by the roadside, fumbling over the choices that I had to make. Should I go out of the car and help him? But what can I do? I'm no doctor! I tried to call Abg Milah, trying to get her to tell me what to do but she did not pick up my call. In the end, I put my gear into D and drove along the highway without looking back.

I have to admit that I regretted not going out of the car and help the poor guy. but in all honesty, I was alone in the car. There was a traffic police and with other guys helping him, I really felt that there was nothing I could do. So now, I'm sitting at Starbucks, mulling over my decisions - whether I made the right one.

After the incident, while I was still driving, I can't help but think about the poor guy, wondering who he is, whether he's a student, or how his mother would react to his the accident. Would his mother react the way mine did? Or would his mother be calm and accepting? Or does he even have a mother?

And then, it got me to thinking about the jerk who has no balls and what he would do. Would he apologise to the motorcyclist? Would he come and visit him when he's lying on the hospital bed with broken bones and maybe coupled with short-term memory loss? Then, my mind took me to a place where I thought I have put to rest a long time ago. Who was the person who ran me over and broke 5 of the bones in my body. Who was he? All of the information I had on him was that he's a married Malay guy with a shaved head. I wonder how he's doing now and what changed him after the accident. Did the accident changed him at all? Does he still drive now? If so, how's his driving? Does the image of my body rammed into his windshield and flew up to his car roof still rooted in his mind? Does he feel sorry for what happened? Does he feel the need to apologise to me at all after all these years?

I really thought that I had resolved any issues that I had with him. Apparently I haven't. It is just buried deep in my thoughts all these years. It took me witnessing another similar accident to stir everything up.

My sorrowful entry stops here today. I just wish I did not write all of this down but I feel like I had to in order to get my head in the right place. I'm self-meditating and I'm okay now. Seriously, I'm okay.... I really hope what had happened to me more than 6 years ago will never be brought up this vividly again after this. So, until the next entry (which will be in a long time, I bet), Au Revoir...

Crossroads...

2010-12-14T01:09:00.002+08:00

Hi Everyone,

I have been on a 1 month study leave for my ACCA exam and I feel like I have reached a few crossroads in my life. I am constantly thinking about decisions that I will have to make (eventually).

1 - To take a break from ACCA as what I am doing now is not working. I don't think I will ever pass the 3 papers left. I am thinking of attending classes as a full time student as I think this is what I need in order for me to pass all of these 3 papers.

2 - To choose where to go next - career-wise. There's always internal audit, corporate reporting, finance, external audit in other countries, advisory, etc. There's so many choices to choose from and I am not clear as to how my life would proceed from here on in.

3 - God help me, I am starting to hate my job. Everyone around me seems to be tendering their resignation letters and I can't help but think, "when will my turn comes?". In order for me to answer this question, I will have to make a decision for #2 above.

4 - I really want to pursue something - creative-wise. I feel the need to challenge my creativity as I feel too much numbers can make me vomit back the numbers. Haha!

So yeah, I have a lot of things going around in my head and I need to make decisions - and FAST! But when I really think about it, I seriously can't make FAST decisions as PEAK PERIOD is coming real soon (Jan - March. - In my case, my peak period drags til April). I am bracing myself for this coming PEAK PERIOD and I really hope that I'll be able to sustain the late nights, the pressures from top management from both parties (clients' and my own bosses') and the pressures I'll be getting from everyone else. So yeah, after my holiday in April next year, I will definitely revisit the options above as I will have TIME then. LoL.

Oh well, that's all from me. Hope everything goes well tomorrow (my ACCA exam). Heheh

My very 1st VoiceBlog

2010-11-19T00:11:00.002+08:00

Hey,
This entry has been a long time coming. I'm currently stuck. I feel like I can't form correct sentences anymore so I picked an alternative - a voice blog.
Apologies upfront for the boring topic and the-too-many-'um's and the inexperience!

Don't ask me why I didn't post a Video Blog coz posting this alone made me question a lot of things; whether I should even do this in the first place! So yeah, I 'm not ready to post a video blog for everyone to see just yet. Not because I'm insecure about my looks or anything crazy like that, it's just that I'm not ready to share everything just yet.

Just for the fun of it, let's go back to the times when we used to love 'Alias'...

2010-07-07T16:11:00.003+08:00

A day such as today makes me wanna live. Driving through the rain, coupled with thinking about a certain someone; this is exactly what I want to feel most of the time. I have to accept the fact that it is hard for me to live a carefree life coz that's just not who I am. But today, I feel like I'm living that carefree life. The rain, and the excitement over something (in my case buying "Twilight: Eclipse" tickets at the Mines) are just the things that made me happy. I wish I am at a faraway island, basking in the sun and waiting for the sun to set.

Katharine McPhee - Terrified ft. Zachary Levi

2010-06-14T15:54:00.002+08:00

My favorite song at the moment. You should check this out. I love this version with Zachary Levi.

You by the lightIs the greatest find

In a world full wrong you're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You set it again my heart's in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love and I'm terrified

For the first time in the last time

In my only life

This could be good

It's already better than that

And nothing's worse than knowing

You're holding back

I could be all that you needed

If you let me try

You set it again my hearts in motion
Every word feels like a shooting start

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love and I'm terrified

For the first time in the last time

in my only...

I only said it cause i mean it

I only mean cause it's true

So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming

Cause it fills me up and holds me close

Whenever i'm without you

You set it again my hearts in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love and I'm terrified

For the first time in the last time

In my only life

What happened on 11th June 2010...

2010-06-11T22:52:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why aren't I close to some of my uni or school mates and a recent incident had reminded me a little too well why.

I have always prided myself for being a very understanding and polite person. Mind you, I can be very stern and angered at times but those are not something that I pride in being. *wink *wink. So, what happened was that a person was a bit less-understanding and less-mannered and hard to deal with even though you can hardly see these traits on the first meeting. This person reminded me why we were never close -- personality clashes, I would think. The way we think and use our words are really different hence the inability to communicate with each other coz God knows communication is key to every relationship (says the person who has never been in love -- pun intended)

------------

My exam will be on next Tuesday and lacking in preparation on my part would be an understatement. I think I might have lost the drive to study for exams. The reason might be because my brain has registered that I am no longer a student and studying is a thing of the past and this brain-box has been nailed shut. No amount of coercing or slow-talking is changing this brain of mine. I am scared...

------------

So, in relation to what I had just mentioned, I went to see "The Karate Kid" today. It was an okay-movie. Jaden Smith was quite funny come to think of it. But that's not what I wanted to write about. What I wanted to write about was this school kid (or maybe uni-kids -- oh yeah, I have reached to that level where I call university students, kids. I am getting too old!) yelled to this guy who was serving my popcorn "Bang, cakap dengan akak tu, lain kali beratur", and the popcorn guy showed this kid my GSC-EON credit card from afar. And I was like "Apa budak tu cakap intended untuk I ke?" and the popcorn guy was like "yeah" and I responded by saying "Kesian... Lain kali you guys kena letak sign "GSC-EON credit card customer" besar lagi". Haha, I pity the kid who didn't know better. Moral of the story -- Look thoroughly before you throw a hissy fit. My advise to the kid would be to 1- Tengok betul-betul surroundings anda. Had you seen the golden sign dangling from the ceiling, you wouldn't be soo mad at me, and 2- Grow up coz I know you'll do that once you lived as long as I have. Hahaha!! Oh, I am getting older.

So that's all for today.

Another fact to share for the day ; I have become a yet again twitter-fanatic. Follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/jalilahjamil

Greyson Chance

2010-06-03T01:36:00.002+08:00

Ohmigod,

I have just watched Greyson Chance sing on YouTube and I am amazed by his talents! Ryan Seacrest was correct to say that he makes it look so easy! This boy is 12 and he already wrote 2 songs of his own! A great pianist and singer. The paparazzi clip has hit 24million viewers on YouTube. My gawd!

2010-05-28T23:10:00.003+08:00

I just couldn't seem to force myself to study for my paper. Crap! This shouldn't happen!! I have to study!! OMG!! Somebody help me!

It really is difficult to suddenly change from work mode to study mode. Argh! Stress! Stress!

Blab blob bloop ;-p

2010-05-25T01:15:00.002+08:00

Salam everyone...

My 3-week study leave has officially started. What a relief! I have to admit that my work has finally taken a toll on my health, my spirit and my happiness. These last few weeks were a disaster.

(1) I had no strength to wake up in the morning,

(2) I kept having headaches and

(3) I was so stressed out that it affected my menstrual cycle.

I really needed a break. I know study leave is not exactly a break coz this is gonna be a different kind of stress but at least I'll be doing everything on my own terms.

So problem numero uno >> I guess it's solved coz I don't have to wake up early in the morning anymore. Well, at least for the next 3 weeks.

For my 2nd problem, I was worried about having these frequent headaches and I've been to the doctor and he said nothing was wrong and he only prescribed me 'ponstan'. So, last week, when I was talking to a colleague, suddenly it hit me, I stare at my laptop for more than 12 hours everyday and maybe, just maybe, I need to change my glasses. So I got them checked out today and it turned out, my right eye sudah naik 150% (from 50 to 125 ok!). So I got meself contact lenses (my first time gitu). Hehe... So tomorrow nak buat glasses baru pulak...

For my 3rd problem, hmm, I guess now it's a different kind of stress. I'll try to handle the stress as well as I could.

On to my next blab....

Most of my friends are getting married!! I really am happy for them. There are just soo many weddings this June that I seriously had to mark my cellphone's calendar for fear of forgetting and not attending. Haha!! Congratulations to Suzie, Maisarah, Poda + Azmil and Lin-cheng. Semoga ikatan berkekalan sepanjang hayat. Amin...

"Camille"

2010-04-27T02:11:00.005+08:00

Salam....

It's been a while, I know.

A fact to share >> I worked hard today.

Planned to go off from office at 8pm but because of an amazingly crazy workload, I stayed till 11:10 pm thinking that there's gonna be a PwC shuttle van waiting downstairs. It turned out that the shuttle's last pick up is at 11 pm every night. So I had to walk from 1 Sentral (PwC office) to Lot F Semasa Sentral Parking (near the LCCT busses below KL Sentral). I didn't think to repark my car in my office building since I was really sure that I was gonna 'cabut' from office at 8pm. Fyi, I had to walk alone. Scary tak scary, terpaksa redah jugak. With my cellphone in one hand, laptop bag at a shoulder and a scissor in the laptop bag pocket, I walked alone at 11+pm for about 10-15 minutes. Alhamdulillah, I reached my car and my home safely.

So after a LONG day (and night) at work, reached my house, took a shower and lazied (is that even a word?) around on my bed while watching a borrowed DVD from Ecah. I know I know, most of you would be shaking your head now. "What is this girl thinking? If you have just had a long day at work, SLEEP already!!!" But I guess I can be a bit crazy sometimes. Hehehehe...

"Camille" turned out to be really romantic and made me feel giddy. This is the first time I ever felt that James Franco is H.O.T! I used to question my sister's (B.Milah) obsession on this Franco guy. Okay, to be fair, obsession is not exactly the precise word to use, hmm... it's just that she was willing to buy "Milk" just to see James Franco (even though he was gay in that movie) - enuff said. Hehe..

But seriously, the movie "Camille" made me feel good and light and happy that I am now excited to sleep so that I can dream about the movie some more.

On that note, good night everyone. And sweet dreams to me...

Yawn...

Bliss...

Facts of the day

2010-03-11T09:31:00.002+08:00

I have 43 friend requests in facebook. Sigh...

My eyes are giving me a problem. They're itchy, and my top lids are a bit swollen. They're giving me a hard time to really concentrate on my work coz it takes effort to really open my eyes. Argh!!!

Rain & thunder

2010-03-05T15:19:00.002+08:00

It's raining cats and dogs out...

I love the feeling I get at a time like this.

The smell and the sound of rain soothe me and I feel peaceful.

Currently, I am at a Perodua service centre, waiting for my car to get fixed. There was something wrong with the car's right front wheel-bearing and it had to be replaced. If you have seen the way I drive my car, hehe, you won't be surprised that one of my wheel-bearing is already wonky at 2 years of age. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if all of the wheel bearings are all wonky. Hahahaha!! Ya, ya, I know. I should take better care of my car. Btw, I don't even know wth is "wheel-bearing". hahahahahaha.... But the good part is that it's still under warranty so I don't have to pay a cent (Erm... I think I don't..hehe). And the best part of all of this is that they only replaced warrantied items on working days. Hehe. So I get to take leave today. Oooh, so much fun!! HeeHee...

So, next Monday is the start of a gruelling month. I foresee a bad month ahead, not because I have anything against the month of March, but because I'm going to a very-hard-to-deal-with client. I really hope that the audit this year is going to be a smooth audit.

Hmm.. before I put an end to today's ramblings, a shout out to Ecah, my best and my longest friend, "Happy Birthday! May this year be a blessed year for you..."

Agh, the roaring thunder 'memeranjatkan saya'. Hmm, that's the only thing I don't like about rain, I guess.... Suddenly, I don't feel so peaceful anymore.

Agh, another one!

Sigh...

2010-01-24T22:00:00.002+08:00

Salam....

I have stepped out from this little world we call blogging world as reality seems to be needing too much attention at the moment (and by saying reality, I meant work). Work is different now that I have more responsibilities. Before, I can get away with going on an MC and never have to worry whether I can finish everything in time (coz I will always do coz time is always on my side) but not now. There is just simply not enough time to do everything and I have got to say that my learning curve is very steep at the moment.

Hmm... Just need to let something off my chest....
I really feel that it is very disrespectful and demeaning to say "patutla" right after you found out that my career coach is Malay (like the reason I got promoted was because the Malay managers wants more Malays to get promoted). Gimme a break. It's as though you're saying I'm not worthy of a promotion and that the only reason I got promoted was because my career coach is Malay. Please do NOT label people by their race. I just hate that. Just so you know, Mr Know-It-All, I have had 2 appraisals done by 2 Chinese seniors, stating in the appraisals that I am ready to be a senior. Just because your mind is still in the 50s does not mean I don't deserve what I'm getting. And just because you got promoted coz only Malay managers want you does not mean I am at the same level as you. Get a life!

Bencinya aku!!! I hate generalising people when I'm blogging and I hate labelling people by their race when writing my entries but I really needed to vent. Sorry if I offended anyone out there, ya. The paragraph above was meant for venting and for Mr. Know-It-All only.

On a brighter note, I have seen the movie "ToothFairy" and believe it or not, the movie was great! It was funny. (I'm trying to find other words to describe the movie but can't. I think "funny" is the best word to describe the movie). I did not expect 'The Rock' can act and can be funny. Heheh...

On a less-brighter note, I think I want to go back to school. Or maybe just a change of scenery. I have no spirit to go to work. There was a time when I used to love my work. Now, I'm just numb.

Anyways, as much as I want to ramble-on, I can't. I have too many things to do. So, until next time, live, and let live.

Sayonara...

Love, Love!

2010-01-06T00:17:00.003+08:00

Oh, I love the smell of my room,

and my comfy bed

and my white furnitures

and my laptop station.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I love my room...

Still to do >> some finishing touches (i.e; quilt cover, bookshelf stacked with books - not food ;-) and white study table from Ikea)

Love it!

(even though tak seberapa)

About defending another person

2009-12-13T02:16:00.005+08:00

Hello...

I guess my writer's block has shied away and hid itself in a very distant corner coz I really am in the mood to write now.

There are not a lot of things happening in my life right now but I do need to ask one question >>> How would you feel if your "friends" are doubting your ability and your brain? I might not be the brightest person in the world, but I do have feelings. Sometimes, people take you down for no reason whatsoever when all you did was to try to make them understand that we should not penalize a person based on one silly incident. I tried to remain neutral when these "friends" b***h about other people because I have always believed that there is a good side to everyone, especially someone who has never done anything to me and who is always nice to me. So when these "friends" actually gossiped about this someone, I tried to remain neutral and tell them how I feel and how sometimes we do make mistakes but my effort was useless as I was practically taken down and insulted. Hmmph... So much for wanting to let them see the glasses half full. So, from now on, I will just shut my mouth and try not to defend anybody in front of them. Let them be negative all by themselves and I'm going to let them think I'm stupid. They can think whatever they like for all I care. I'm not intimidated enough to do anything about it coz unlike the rest of us, I am confident about myself and my abilities. Heheh...

Promoted!

2009-12-12T01:07:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, the promotion list was out this evening and I was in it.

The Twilight Saga : New Moon

2009-12-11T03:31:00.006+08:00

I have had a major case of a writer's block for the past few months. I had no desire to write anything funny or anything at all! Usually I would just ramble on about my miserable life in this blog but somehow talking about it seems pretty old. I have had the opportunity to read a few books these past few months but seriously, I don't even have the desire to write a lame book review. I guess this happens sometimes, eh? Actually I am still having this lack-of-things-to-say at the moment but I feel like I owe it to my readers to at least write something ("Lely, get over yourself! You don't have readers! You have friends who read your blog. Period.")

Okay, so I guess the not-so-latest thing to blog about is the opening of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. There was a lot of hype around the franchise and I have to admit that I myself is more than happy to indulge myself in it. I know that a lot of people out there have a handful of negative things to comment on the franchise and I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I for one am sticking to my opinion and am announcing to the blogworld that I am indeed a fan of the franchise and have read all of the five books (including 'The Host') written by Stephenie Meyer. A person may say that the franchise is too teenage-lovey-dovey stuff and another person may debate on the fact that (spoiler alert! spoiler alert! Don't read on if you do not know what happens in the fourth book 'Breaking Dawn') there is no chance in h*** that a vampire and a human can make a baby due to scientific reasons (different blood cells and all) and another person may say that the books are made for light and easy reading but I beg to differ. Oh, alright, maybe the things I mentioned are quite true but I just love the franchise. What can I say, I am a fan.... The books are for light and easy reading but it's not for idiots, okay. I have had my fair share of reading the likes of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's, Jane Austen's, Leo Tolstoy's and etc and let me tell you out there that just because sometimes you feel like you have read more complicated types of books does not mean you are too good to read the saga. Hehe, in your face, Twilight haters (or Twilight closet fan!) Ngeh ngeh ngeh, I know, I am a bit crazy this morning. I haven't slept yet.

I have watched New Moon twice in the cinema. The first was with my nephews, Haziq and Hareez and the second time was just me ;-) I have to say that I like the first one better. I think Chris Weitz's version is very commercial and very modern but Catherine Hardwicke's interpretation was classy and classic. Nothing was exaggerated, not the vampire's pale complexion, not the vampire's gold eyes and not Victoria's red hair. Edward was much more relaxed and believable. Some had asked my opinion on New Moon and whether it is a good movie or not, but I responded by telling them that the question should not be directed to me coz my answer would always be a positive one. Hey, I AM a fan, remember? I just can't wait for Breaking Dawn (the final installment) to be shown in the cinema (not that the production has even commenced yet. Hehe...).
　

I am currently on study leave. I sat for a paper last Tuesday and I am sure I am going to flunk the paper. I am sitting for another paper this Tuesday and I am scared shitless. Despite of the scared-shitless bit, I still find it hard to focus on the revision. Oh god, help me!
　
Till next time, too-doo-loo

Adieu

2009-11-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

Too much unimportant entries have made me realize that my words are empty and is of no use to others. I cringe of having to express yet again another feeling, or another description of how my day went when the truth is that nobody really cares. My writings bear no consequence to others, and that made me realize how sad and pitiful my life is. No words of support or encouragement is going to change what I feel, thus I must bid my adieu.

xxx

Siapa yang believe the statement above, sila angkat tangan.... Hehe...

Nina - me still here ;-p